I Can Barely Keep A Man And I Am Learning To Accept It

I Can Barely Keep A Man And I Am Learning To Accept It

I have realized that I can barely keep a man. These days, if we make it to two weeks of dating, I give myself an award or congratulate myself.

In the past, it wasn't this way. I can still remember the 9 year half alive, half dead relationship I held onto even when I knew it wasn't going to last forever. I remember the 5 year old relationship I managed to get through even though I knew I would never marry him.

Of late though, my patience has run very low. Things I was able to put up with in the past, I can't manage to deal with anymore. Don't get me wrong. It still hurts when a man blocks me or unfriend's me or breaks up with me. It still hurts when a man rejects me and loses interest in me.

Ditto, it still hurts when I have to walk away from a relationship I had invested in even if that investment was 1 week. It still hurts deeply. Lost hopes, dreams and plans still hurt. Even when it is me who has to leave, it still hurts deeply.

Rejecting people is not something I like to do. I'm a people pleaser. I like making people happy. So, it really aches when I have to tell someone no. It makes me feel like a failure. Like I'm not strong enough or good enough to put up with another human being and it is never a good feeling.

However, despite my myriad of failures when it comes to relationships, I'm not giving up on love. I can never give up on love. It doesn't matter how many breakups and heart breaks I go through. I know that I will always try again. However many times I fall down, I know that I will get up again.

And having been on both sides of the divide, (rejected and rejecting) I'm learning to be more understanding and more forgiving when others reject me. I'm slowly learning to consider the other person's perspective and world. I'm growing through the pain. Becoming a better lover and person as I navigate the emotions that rush at me each time I get into or get out of a relationship.

So here is my advice to anyone who might be going through whatever I'm going through. Don't give up on love. Even if you have been rejected several times, it doesn't mean you are not lovable. You are worthy of love and you will find someone who will accept you.

Just hang in there and don't give up.

Love and light!